Feels like spring has arrived...great day yesterday..got work done outside...but on the flipside...am up awake at 5AM bcos of chinese food
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Life changer???
+ assisted at an accident scene on long ridge road in stamford
- bummer of a day at work
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
highlights
this is becoming like anything..am up for it the first few days and then i lose interest..
anyways..
+ giants are in the superbowl
- again sick, D is sick, Babies are sick..
anyways..
+ giants are in the superbowl
- again sick, D is sick, Babies are sick..
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Catching up..
+ ammu turned 2 over the past weekend
+ giants in the championship game against the 49ers street defeating the cheese heads
+ got the acer pc back after the heed drive failure
- unni is a little under the weather
- a little concerned about future job
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Highlights
+ feeling good sleeping after taking a shower
- getting up at 3:45 as the little one got up..seems like she is getting a cold
Monday, January 09, 2012
Highlights
+ learnt that the laptop is back on its way after the repair..
- more uncertainty in the financial world with equities seeming at getting the cut...need long term outlook for myself...
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Highlights
Not able to do the daily highlights...
+ giants defeating the falcons...best stop to faceoff with the packers next weekend...
+ got the scion back after the warranty repairs
+ got dee to go out for pizza and beer with colleagues from work st bruce park grill, ct..
- got angry with unni as he was just making noises and not having conversations.
- birthday parties now seems like a chore when you don't have any common friends..
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Highlights
+ for yday - getting car appointment for tomorrow as the inspection was expired as well as the issue with the steering freezing up
- for yday - having to go to work after a whole week
+ today- toyota informing that they would cover the 2000+ under warranty
- today - still in the holidays mood
Monday, January 02, 2012
Highlights
+ finally off the medication and the funky health...hopefully will be in a much better state during the spring break
- unable to login to see the running tally as was planning to do some forecasting
Log on blog
So I thought that I should post highlights/bummers of each day as part of my new years resolution
+giants winning conference title against cowboys with a few good plays between manning-cruz
-lazing around was ok...but not getting anything done suckz!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
First mobile post from the android phone
Just got the phone today ..don't know what I wa doing with the windows phone for the last one year..downloaded a lot of game apps
Friday, November 06, 2009
till today
also realized that its been a year since the fateful day that Valyachan had the stroke..
anyways will do the normal and put down some notes on what happened thru the last six months
June: D was a wreck through the month..this pregnancy has been bad for her...kept coughing and resultant throwing up reduced her weight so had to get Mom and Dad to come. Got my relocation check..paid off link but not without some tense moments..
July: was able to go to myrtle beach and celebrate Unni's bday..had a fun 5 days..however did feel that the company was a little lacking not that it mattered much to us...lilsis got engaged with the marraige in Feb..
Aug: bleh..
Sept: Pops paid for the tickets so that we could go to Qatar. We had a good time there. Will post some pics. Getting hooked to sheesha..Got nostalgic when we went to UmmSaid as its the last time probably with Pops & Mom...lilsis was also there..went on a dhow..was the highlight i think..other than the food!!!
Oct: Pops retired and settled back in Kerala. Job is safe so far but the govt just upped their stake. Seems like we will be getting our bonuses..next year..but still deferred...ammams is getting good..unni was supposed to go to Cali but there is a family wedding in December so Dad and mom are still in NY.
anyways will do the normal and put down some notes on what happened thru the last six months
June: D was a wreck through the month..this pregnancy has been bad for her...kept coughing and resultant throwing up reduced her weight so had to get Mom and Dad to come. Got my relocation check..paid off link but not without some tense moments..
July: was able to go to myrtle beach and celebrate Unni's bday..had a fun 5 days..however did feel that the company was a little lacking not that it mattered much to us...lilsis got engaged with the marraige in Feb..
Aug: bleh..
Sept: Pops paid for the tickets so that we could go to Qatar. We had a good time there. Will post some pics. Getting hooked to sheesha..Got nostalgic when we went to UmmSaid as its the last time probably with Pops & Mom...lilsis was also there..went on a dhow..was the highlight i think..other than the food!!!
Oct: Pops retired and settled back in Kerala. Job is safe so far but the govt just upped their stake. Seems like we will be getting our bonuses..next year..but still deferred...ammams is getting good..unni was supposed to go to Cali but there is a family wedding in December so Dad and mom are still in NY.
May17th
Just realized that it was only two days after my last post that Valyachan succumbed to the damages done by the stroke he suffered in November.
The day started off fine, but pops called me around mid-morning and told me that Valyachan was deteriorating; I wrongly assumed that he had gone back to the days when he just suffered the stroke. I kinda asked pops if it was time that he packed up and left Doha to be with Valyachan but realized that it was going nowhere. Meow was returning back to Kerala for a couple of days so that she could be with him..she was carrying with her a box of Danish cookies that Valyachan loved!
I then took unni to the park down the street and was watching him play down the slides, when I received a call @5:15 from pops saying that Valyachan had breathed his last. I recall being in a haze - saw that a lone black crow was flying around the playground! I ran to my baby and hugged him tightly..and whispered in his ear that Muttachan was no more and we had to leave the playground..he quietly understood..and just held on to me tightly (as if to confort his "near in tears" dada!). While talking with pops, I realized that Valyachan passed away while Meow was in the air on her way to visit him..she didnt know!
I rushed back home and called up my lilsis..I had to wake her up from sleep and had to tell her. I was afraid on how she would react as she had done the most for Valyachan when he fell sick. She was collected but both of us knew it was over. Over the next couple of hours she found a way to get back home - I booked a ticket and flew over the next day after making it very clear that nothing was to be done before I landed in Calicut.
The Emirates flight back was the most painful journey of my life. I took the earliest flight out of JFK onward to DXB and then to CCJ. Even sitting waiting at the terminal - all I could think about was the suffering Valyachan went through in the final 6 months of his life - and every time my eyes would well up! The entire 14 hours of the flight- I was in tears. I tried to distract myself and did watch movies but everytime an emo scene came up - I would break down! Also the fact that I was flying with nobody I knew next to me just made it even worse as I had no one to hold onto - not D not lilguy. Was not sure if I would have the strength to make it through.
As I landed in DXB and had a 6 hour layover, I called up my lilsis and asked her how Ammams and more importantly meow was doing and wasnt too thrilled to hear that both of them were on the edge. Meow seemed to be taking it a little better and now Pops was also with her but Ammams was just getting impossible to handle - she had lost all will to live!
The next couple of hours during the layover I forced myself to go beyond thoughts of Valyachans final months, and was able to get an image etched into my head of his better days. Valyachan was able to live for 91 years, 31 of which he was a guiding light in my life.
During my toddler years..it was only him who could pacify me and take me on my potty rituals even at 3AM. During our formative years in UmmSaid, lilsis & I would await our friday ritual of calling up Ammams and Valyachan for just talking to Valyachan even if he wouldnt say much as he didnt want us to spend money! I remembered the times he would get on my case when during our summer vacations to kerala, he would get all rilled up when we used to use all the "mattals" as cricket bats with my local friends. I remember the times he used to switch the fan off in the mornings so that I would get up! I remember the times he used to make me read the malayalam newspaper everyday during my vacation before breakfast which my lilsis used to be at the table gobbling up!! I used to remember how he used to sit at his small shaving table, look at his shaving mirror, lather up his brush and execute a perfect shave. I remember how perfect his haircut used to be. I remember the day he turned the power off for the house at the mains to discourage the lilsis and I who were playing with the lights. He then went for his normal walk of the village and didnt show up till late in the night and he laughed when he saw all of us in the verendah huddled by the lantern! The man wouldnt laugh for everything but when he laughed you felt special - D was able to do this and I was suprised when he would smile at everything that she did! He was curious about Unni but the lilguy was a tad bit shy of him. Unni never did get to spend much time with his Muttachan - even now he asks if Muttachan is back from the hospital, as that was all the lilguy remembered about him from his trip in November. The last I saw Valyachan smile was when I, as to nature, jumbled words up in Malayalam and said to him..Valyacha..Valyachan Vishamicholo instead of Vishramicholo!! And this was when he was admitted to MIMS fighting against the initial bout of pneumonia after his stroke.
As I boarded my flight to Calicut, I was mentally prepared for what was going to happen as I reached home. I landed in CCJ, hopped into Ravi ettans car and sped away. Little did I know that the cremation was going to be held that night itself. As I approached Kuniyil in the newly constructed driveway I could see the floodlights and the gaggle of people. I remember getting out of the car and feeling weightless as I muddled through the throngs of people. Getting up the steps into the verandah I saw my extended family..all with puffed eyes..just empty..and then to the office room..was my valyachan draped in a white cloth..i dont recall exactly..but i remember falling at his feet and kissing it..going over to his face..and kissing it..but it felt so cold..so unlike the Valyachan I knew. He had a stubble - so unlike Valyachan. I then had to recover quickly and face ammama..who was at this point aware of my arrival and crying uncontrollably..i had to bring her into the same room where her husband now lay..it was the most unbearable couple of minutes of my life..the room basically dissolved into tears..but thankfully I was able to get her back into her room and prepare myself for admininstering the final rites. My cousin Siddhu who was Valyachans pet was a mess while Vishaq was more composed. Lilsis was able to control her emotions but she was a wreck just like anybody else - both Chechi & meow were holding it together
I had to don a white cloth on my head, take a cold shower from the well along with my younger cousins and then had to carry my Valyachan to the pyre that was setup in the property. We had to walk about 3 times around the pyre and then laid him to rest with his foot towards the north. As I laid the first logs of wood on his body - I just couldnt take it anymore and had to hold his hands one last time. My family members were able to cover him up and then I had to walk around the pyre with a pot full of water and then facing away from the pyre I had to drop the pot so that it broke. After the pyre was readied, I had to set it alight - this was not something that I had every imagined I would be doing! As I saw the pyre burning high and the plumes of smoke rising into the air - I felt a strange lightening of the heart..I felt that Valyachan was free..never did I feel such a marked contrast in feelings within a short time span.
I waited till around 3AM watching the pyre burn. And it burnt for a good 6-7 hours, true to his nature he was making sure that he goes with a big impact. For the next couple of days every morning we had to put "bali" for the crows, a sign of worship and asking the Gods for their acceptance, but none of the crows ever came and ate the rice balls we made for them. Instead they ate the uncooked rice; as I broached the topic with Ammams - she was candid in saying that Valyachan never believed in anything like this..and she expected that no crows to accept the bali. Valyachan was a very practical man and very un-religious but not an atheist.
The following Sunday - I had to take his ashes and pour then in the nearby "Naderi Kadavu". I returned back to the US soon afterwards. I couldnt find the courage to call Ammama till September - that was a very poor call of judgement on my side but now I regularly call her, she has gotten a lot better Mummy stayed with Ammams for a couple more weeks - there were internal family issues that needed to be resolved..
But even today as I was writing this post - I had to stop myself so many times to wipe the tears. He was and will always be my leading light.
The day started off fine, but pops called me around mid-morning and told me that Valyachan was deteriorating; I wrongly assumed that he had gone back to the days when he just suffered the stroke. I kinda asked pops if it was time that he packed up and left Doha to be with Valyachan but realized that it was going nowhere. Meow was returning back to Kerala for a couple of days so that she could be with him..she was carrying with her a box of Danish cookies that Valyachan loved!
I then took unni to the park down the street and was watching him play down the slides, when I received a call @5:15 from pops saying that Valyachan had breathed his last. I recall being in a haze - saw that a lone black crow was flying around the playground! I ran to my baby and hugged him tightly..and whispered in his ear that Muttachan was no more and we had to leave the playground..he quietly understood..and just held on to me tightly (as if to confort his "near in tears" dada!). While talking with pops, I realized that Valyachan passed away while Meow was in the air on her way to visit him..she didnt know!
I rushed back home and called up my lilsis..I had to wake her up from sleep and had to tell her. I was afraid on how she would react as she had done the most for Valyachan when he fell sick. She was collected but both of us knew it was over. Over the next couple of hours she found a way to get back home - I booked a ticket and flew over the next day after making it very clear that nothing was to be done before I landed in Calicut.
The Emirates flight back was the most painful journey of my life. I took the earliest flight out of JFK onward to DXB and then to CCJ. Even sitting waiting at the terminal - all I could think about was the suffering Valyachan went through in the final 6 months of his life - and every time my eyes would well up! The entire 14 hours of the flight- I was in tears. I tried to distract myself and did watch movies but everytime an emo scene came up - I would break down! Also the fact that I was flying with nobody I knew next to me just made it even worse as I had no one to hold onto - not D not lilguy. Was not sure if I would have the strength to make it through.
As I landed in DXB and had a 6 hour layover, I called up my lilsis and asked her how Ammams and more importantly meow was doing and wasnt too thrilled to hear that both of them were on the edge. Meow seemed to be taking it a little better and now Pops was also with her but Ammams was just getting impossible to handle - she had lost all will to live!
The next couple of hours during the layover I forced myself to go beyond thoughts of Valyachans final months, and was able to get an image etched into my head of his better days. Valyachan was able to live for 91 years, 31 of which he was a guiding light in my life.
During my toddler years..it was only him who could pacify me and take me on my potty rituals even at 3AM. During our formative years in UmmSaid, lilsis & I would await our friday ritual of calling up Ammams and Valyachan for just talking to Valyachan even if he wouldnt say much as he didnt want us to spend money! I remembered the times he would get on my case when during our summer vacations to kerala, he would get all rilled up when we used to use all the "mattals" as cricket bats with my local friends. I remember the times he used to switch the fan off in the mornings so that I would get up! I remember the times he used to make me read the malayalam newspaper everyday during my vacation before breakfast which my lilsis used to be at the table gobbling up!! I used to remember how he used to sit at his small shaving table, look at his shaving mirror, lather up his brush and execute a perfect shave. I remember how perfect his haircut used to be. I remember the day he turned the power off for the house at the mains to discourage the lilsis and I who were playing with the lights. He then went for his normal walk of the village and didnt show up till late in the night and he laughed when he saw all of us in the verendah huddled by the lantern! The man wouldnt laugh for everything but when he laughed you felt special - D was able to do this and I was suprised when he would smile at everything that she did! He was curious about Unni but the lilguy was a tad bit shy of him. Unni never did get to spend much time with his Muttachan - even now he asks if Muttachan is back from the hospital, as that was all the lilguy remembered about him from his trip in November. The last I saw Valyachan smile was when I, as to nature, jumbled words up in Malayalam and said to him..Valyacha..Valyachan Vishamicholo instead of Vishramicholo!! And this was when he was admitted to MIMS fighting against the initial bout of pneumonia after his stroke.
As I boarded my flight to Calicut, I was mentally prepared for what was going to happen as I reached home. I landed in CCJ, hopped into Ravi ettans car and sped away. Little did I know that the cremation was going to be held that night itself. As I approached Kuniyil in the newly constructed driveway I could see the floodlights and the gaggle of people. I remember getting out of the car and feeling weightless as I muddled through the throngs of people. Getting up the steps into the verandah I saw my extended family..all with puffed eyes..just empty..and then to the office room..was my valyachan draped in a white cloth..i dont recall exactly..but i remember falling at his feet and kissing it..going over to his face..and kissing it..but it felt so cold..so unlike the Valyachan I knew. He had a stubble - so unlike Valyachan. I then had to recover quickly and face ammama..who was at this point aware of my arrival and crying uncontrollably..i had to bring her into the same room where her husband now lay..it was the most unbearable couple of minutes of my life..the room basically dissolved into tears..but thankfully I was able to get her back into her room and prepare myself for admininstering the final rites. My cousin Siddhu who was Valyachans pet was a mess while Vishaq was more composed. Lilsis was able to control her emotions but she was a wreck just like anybody else - both Chechi & meow were holding it together
I had to don a white cloth on my head, take a cold shower from the well along with my younger cousins and then had to carry my Valyachan to the pyre that was setup in the property. We had to walk about 3 times around the pyre and then laid him to rest with his foot towards the north. As I laid the first logs of wood on his body - I just couldnt take it anymore and had to hold his hands one last time. My family members were able to cover him up and then I had to walk around the pyre with a pot full of water and then facing away from the pyre I had to drop the pot so that it broke. After the pyre was readied, I had to set it alight - this was not something that I had every imagined I would be doing! As I saw the pyre burning high and the plumes of smoke rising into the air - I felt a strange lightening of the heart..I felt that Valyachan was free..never did I feel such a marked contrast in feelings within a short time span.
I waited till around 3AM watching the pyre burn. And it burnt for a good 6-7 hours, true to his nature he was making sure that he goes with a big impact. For the next couple of days every morning we had to put "bali" for the crows, a sign of worship and asking the Gods for their acceptance, but none of the crows ever came and ate the rice balls we made for them. Instead they ate the uncooked rice; as I broached the topic with Ammams - she was candid in saying that Valyachan never believed in anything like this..and she expected that no crows to accept the bali. Valyachan was a very practical man and very un-religious but not an atheist.
The following Sunday - I had to take his ashes and pour then in the nearby "Naderi Kadavu". I returned back to the US soon afterwards. I couldnt find the courage to call Ammama till September - that was a very poor call of judgement on my side but now I regularly call her, she has gotten a lot better Mummy stayed with Ammams for a couple more weeks - there were internal family issues that needed to be resolved..
But even today as I was writing this post - I had to stop myself so many times to wipe the tears. He was and will always be my leading light.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
